Zugunruhe: Helping great people get [good] things done: Zoog.un.roo.ee

Two roads diverged [Part II]: WHAT do you want?

I know someone who almost never expresses a preference. It is usually clear what this person doesn’t want. She’s very good at identifying and pointing out what she doesn’t like. But when asked what her preference is, she’s tongue-tied. The sad part is, she doesn’t have the slightest idea what she wants.

When we left my story, I was sitting in a lovely beer garden, admiring Mt. Hood in the distance. That was where the Four Questions were first asked.
WHAT do i want?
what DO i want?
what do I want?
what do i WANT?

What, really, did I want to do? For a while, outwardly, nothing changed. I went back to work and slaved away like I always had. But the question kept nagging at me. WHAT? What to do? What’s next? What do I want? What? What? What? I was like my friend. I knew what I didn’t want. But I had no idea what I wanted next. Next, given that my career had taken a very unexpected turn and brought me to my two roads diverged.

On a whim, I bought an ebook on how to write any book in 28 days. I don’t know what made me think buying this silly thing was a good idea. I know perfectly well that the premise of the book is totally false. Most books take years to write. A really solid work, no matter what, will require longer than a month to produce. Nevertheless, the guy’s marketing materials drew me in. I bought the book.

On a rather dark Oregon fall morning, I sat down to learn how to write books. One of the first things the author asked was, “What are you an expert in?” There’s that question again, Mama, “what?”

At that moment in time, one of the main what’s I had expertise in was genetics. An idea popped into my head. I thought, “What if I could write Genetics for Dummies?” Beats me why I thought of that particular title--at the time, I was not a big reader of Dummies books. My next thought was “Naw, somebody’s already done that, right?” Wrong.

I searched Amazon. No Genetics for Dummies. Google. Nope. Wiley’s own webpage. Holy cow! It seemed impossible and yet…there is was. I was perfectly positioned and prepared to write the book and nobody had beat me to it.

I looked at Wiley’s webpage. It told me in no uncertain terms that they did not accept proposals from individuals. Got to have an agent. Me, I’m very hard-headed. I didn’t believe them. So I hunted around and found an email address for an already published Dummies author. Sent him an email. In essence, I asked “How did you do that?” And his reply, God bless him, included the email address for his acquisitions editor. In less than a month, I had a contract in my hand to write Genetics for Dummies, which was published in August 2005. Published almost one year to the day from that meeting from hell I told you about.

The answer to my question “WHAT do i want?” turned out to be as rich and as complicated at the question itself. What pulls together all the things I love to do and prepared myself over my life for: learn, teach, write, help. Writing my first book introduced me to the first part of my new road. My book opened new doors and opportunities I never would have had otherwise. By answering “what?” honestly and authentically, I took my first steps in being independent of the whims of my former role. The Big What turned out to be the key to my prison door.

Now you: WHAT do you want? Are you’re just going through the motions today? Are you doing What you love? Enjoy? At the end of the day, What have you done? What have you produced or accomplished? If you don’t like your current What, the time is now to stand at your crossroads and ask the First Question: WHAT do i want?

Once I figured out my What, How followed. What taught me How. Yes, I knew how to write before I penned Genetics for Dummies. But What taught me How to assimilate knowledge faster than ever before, simplify information, and communicate it clearly. What taught me How to write fast--really fast. (I wrote the entire first draft, all 344 pages of it, in slightly less than four months.) So when you figure out your What and you don’t know How, don’t worry. How will follow What. What will teach you How.

But of course, answering What? Is really only the first question. The next question is: what DO you want? Not used to want. Now formerly wanted. The question is fully in the present: what DO you want right now?

To be continued…

Two roads diverged…[part 1]:

In Frost’s poem, the two roads diverged in the snowy woods. My two roads diverged in a conference room. A room filled with people I called colleagues.

You’ve probably heard the phrase “meeting from hell?” This was, for me, the meeting from hell. The fun started almost immediately. We got handouts, like you do at many of your meetings. One of the handouts was the new “strategic plan.” Have you ever seen a strategic plan for an organization built around a particular person? This one was.

Not the whole plan, of course, but the strategic plan included how the organization was going to take care of one guy in particular. I’m not knocking this guy. He’s a good person, and I have a lot of respect for him. Still, it struck me as odd. People in organizations come and go. I naively believed that strategic plans were about long term goals, organizational strengths and weaknesses, threats and opportunities. I guess I had a lot to learn.

I should have realized that the strategic plan was the first hint that things were about to go very badly, but I didn’t. The meeting went on and on and finally landed on the above mentioned paragraphs in the strategic plan. It was then that a big-wig in the organization stood up to speak. He wasn’t just talking either. As it turned out, he was speaking for the whole room minus one. That one was me.

Big-wig looked straight at me and said words to this effect: “No matter what you do, no matter how much you try, there will never be a place for you here. It doesn’t matter how much you teach. It doesn’t matter how many committees you serve on or how many students you have. Nothing you do matters. When someone else comes along, and they look better than you, we will hire them over you.” He sat down. And that was that.

I don’t think I cried right then. I wanted to, but I managed to hold back until I got out of the room. And just as I was about to break down into hysterics, my husband said, “Not here. Don’t let them see you cry.” It was as if I’d been tossed a life preserver. I was pulled back from the brink of total breakdown. And the funny thing is, I never got that close to breaking down again.

As I sat in the late afternoon sunshine on that beautiful Oregon summer day, drinking a really tasty microbrew, I recognized that I had a choice. Two roads diverged…which one would I take?

One road included remaining in academia. I know lots of two career academic couples, many of whom have up and left after something like what I was going through. I could have stayed in academia, and keep slugging it out as I had been doing. After all, my big dream was to be a tenure-track professor. I could have stayed on that well-traveled road.

And then there was the other one. I didn’t have any idea where that road lead to. I had a question, though, that showed up in my mind. As it turned out, it was four questions in one.

What do I want? That simple question can be asked in four ways, depending on your emphasis:
WHAT do i want? [the outcome, the results]
what DO i want? [present tense, in the moment, right now, not in the past]
what do I want? [me, not someone else]
what do i WANT? [yearn for, not necessarily need; what does my heart desire?]

Before I go on about how I answered these four questions, I want to make sure you know that this post isn’t actually about me. Yes, this is my story, and it’s true. Totally 100% real. But ultimately, this story is about you. Yes, you.

We all have times when we reach those two roads that diverge. Both roads lead to some unknown future. Often one road is characterized by resilience and the other goes down to some bad to worse place. Sometimes we create our own crossroads--at graduation or retirement--and sometimes the crossroads are visited upon us by our dissatisfaction with how things are going…or when we get laid-off or divorced or…fill in the blank. No matter where you are in your life, you can stand at two roads diverging. The four questions I’m about to tell you about are a handy tool you can use to help you make up your mind about which road to take. That’s why this is a story about you, too.

So that’s why I’m going to spend some time writing about the four questions, how I answered them, and how you might be able to learn from what happened to me. One thing I know for sure is that I am determined to make something good come out of something bad. Even when I was really hurting (and frankly, very pissed off), I wanted my experience to do somebody, somewhere some good. That is my hope right now. That’s why I’m sitting here writing this. It’s for you.

To be continued…

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Getting My Hopes Up

This morning, I reminded myself not to get too hopeful. “I’m not going to get my hopes up,” I told myself. Holding back hope is a way of protecting my feelings. If I don’t hope for too much, don’t expect great things, and hold back, then maybe I won’t be too disappointed if things don’t come through.

I imagine I’m not alone in holding back hope. Most people would sooner risk their money than their hearts. It’s so much easier to keep expectations low than to come back from getting your hopes and dreams crushed, right? Wrong.

A couple of days ago, I told my husband that I was afraid something I was working on wasn’t going to turn out. I wanted to hedge my bets. He asked me if I was afraid of success. At first, I thought he was wrong, but now I’m thinking he was on to something. When I refuse to get my hopes up, I’m communicating to my soul (and subtly, to the world around me) that I expect to fail. It’s not a fear of success--it’s a bass-ackwards invitation to fail.

When I hold back my hope, I’m not just refusing to take a risk. My passion is caged. My energy is diminished. I’m already admitting that defeat is not just a possibility but more or less expected. Phooey on that. So here and now, I’m declaring that I am getting my hopes up. I expect the best outcome.

Yes, I expect to succeed. I say this without reservation and without caveat. Success will be mine, come what may. One thing I know for sure is that we get back what we put out. I put out an unequivocal confidence in every single one of my clients that they will succeed. I believe in them even when they’re not quite sure they believe in themselves. That’s part of my job, the sacred trust I hold for them. It’s about time I did that for me, too.

Having my hopes up (and in public, too!) is scary. But let me tell you, I’d rather hope to succeed than fail to hope.

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Hope is Not a Strategy

Once upon a time, I had a problem employee. Over and over, I sat down with the person and went over how to improve their performance. Yet, time and time again, the same problems cropped up. Finally, we had a “come to Jesus talk.” I told this person to come up with a plan to put things right. No ifs, ands, or buts. A few days later, we sat down once more for the proverbial altar call. “What’s your plan?” I asked. This person shrugged. “I hope it doesn’t happen again.”

Hope? You hope? “I can guarantee it won’t happen again,” I replied. And then I used those words made famous by Donald Trump. “You’re fired.”

Hope is not a plan. Hope will not go on the sales calls, earn the paycheck, or make the gravy. That doesn’t mean hope is worthless. Hope is priceless. But hope is not a strategy.

Strategy is carefully devising a specific plan that meets your needs and goals and then executing the plan in a strategic way. Being strategic means having a willingness to adapt, to change, to roll with the punches. A strategy that is executed mechanically is doomed to fail. A strategy that is put into play strategically has a greater chance of success. And that’s where hope comes in.

We don’t know if our plans will turn out. We hope they do, but we have to do the right things and have some faith--faith in ourselves, faith in what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. It’s the confidence that hope holds out that keeps us going and allows us to hang in there over the long haul. Especially when signs of progress are subtle, hard to find, or non-existent.

Hope becomes strategic when you apply optimism in a conscious way. That means disputing your negative thoughts and beliefs if you’ve got a habit of being pessimistic. It means looking at your behavior critically and openly, rather than too optimistically, to find what it is that you’re doing that’s derailing your best intentions. And then attending to those shortcomings tactically by using your strengths to build a better you. Tactics and strategy are better than hope but useless without it.

To use hope as a strategy means to know what it is you’re trying to accomplish and then working your tail off. When all is said and done, regardless of the outcome, you’ll be able to stand back and say with well-earned pride, “I did my best and gave it my best shot.” Now that’s a plan.

Testing Hope and Optimism

I have a little bowl next to my desk. The bowl is filled with tiny cards. On each card is an inspiring word or phrase. A friend of mine gave the bowl and cards to me after seeing how much I enjoyed reading a pair of Angel Cards from a bowl at our favorite café before our lunches together. I don’t think that the cards really carry any great significance; I just enjoy getting a random shot of inspiration. This morning, I closed my eyes, dug around in the bowl, and pulled out two cards: “optimistic” and “speaking my truth.” How appropriate on a morning when I’m writing a post about hope!

I spent most of Sunday afternoon on Martin Seligman’s webpage, taking various assessments. I re-took the VIA (the long version, all 240 questions). My goal was to see where Hope and Optimism ranked for me among the 24 strengths. Hope and Optimism wasn’t ranked lowest (Teamwork was--not surprising given my indepdendent nature). Hope and Optimism fell right in the middle--13th out the 24. I took this result optimisitically. At least I’m not working on something I really lousy at.

Next, I took the Optimism test. The Optimism test consists of 32 sentences with paired responses for each one. The idea is that you read the sentence and even if the situation isn’t true for you, you pick the cause that reflects your first, gut response. It doesn’t matter if the cause you pick is exactly what you’d think was true, given the situation. It’s only what seems most likely to be true from your point of view.

Here’s an example of one of the questions: “You lose your temper with a friend.” The answer choices are:
A. He/she is always nagging me.
B. He/she was in a hostile mood.
(For the record, I picked answer B in this case.) After answering all 32 items, here’s what I got.

On overall hopefulness, I scored a 2. That means I’m about average, neither more nor less hopeful than most people. The way this is determined is by looking at two aspects of hope: responses to good things and responses to bad things. A hopeless response to a bad event is to see the glass as more than half empty and ascribe a global cause (like “I’m stupid”) or a big-time bad expectation (like thinking you have cancer when you get a cold). On the flip side, a hopeful person will respond to bad events with “I was unprepared” or “it’s just a cold” to these same sorts of things. Responses to good events also play an important role in determining how hopeful you are. A person low on hope is less likely to give him or herself credit when a good thing happens, ascribing it to luck instead of talent, for example.

The test breaks down optimism in two ways: permanence and pervasiveness. Permanence asks whether or not you think the situation will last and pervasiveness asks how much of your life is affected. When you take the test, you get four scores. How you view bad events and their lasting, more permanent effects, the permanence of good events, and the pervasiveness (or overall influence) of good and bad events respectively. Overall hopefulness (where my score of 2 came from) is a composite of these four scores.

It turns out then when bad things happen, I’m pretty darn optimistic. I don’t see bad things as ruining my whole life or being permanent. When something good happens, however, I’m a downright sourpuss. I see good events as either being luck or due to very specific factors. When good things happen, I don’t see that as a big trend for my whole life. Overall, I see good events as neither permanent nor pervasive. Uh-oh.

As I thought these results over, I realized that my view of bad events has changed a lot over the years. I used to take failure as a really big deal. I would wail over bad results, get really down in the dumps, and on occasion, use setbacks as excuses to get really, genuinely depressed. But going through some genuine adversity (like a miscarriage, for one), changed me--for the better. I survived the downs. I recovered. And by recovering, I convinced myself that bad things were temporary setbacks, not huge, life-altering-for-the-worst disasters. What that tells me is that if my view of bad events can change, so can my view of good events. I can learn to be more optimistic.

Fortunately, I already know a handy little technique to use. It’s a four step method that I've used to teach writers to write instead of procrastinate. In a very generic way, goes like this:

1. Notice the feeling/thought/belief/idea you want to change
2. Take a new viewpoint
3. Focus on the new feeling/thought/belief/idea you want to cultivate
4. Deemphasize the resistance you feel about changing

To change my pessimistic attitude about good events, here’s how I might use the four steps:

1. Notice that something good has happened.
2. Remind myself that good things happen all the time, they happen because of who I am, and that the causes of good things are permanent and pervasive.
3. To focus on my new, optimistic view, I’ll need to come up with a thought that’s specific to the event. For example, if I get a new client instead of thinking “I got lucky,” I’ll say to myself, “I got this client because I’m a good coach.”
4. When the resistance to the new explanation shows up (and it will, because pessimism is a habit with me), I’ll remind myself that I don’t have to believe the new explanation just yet, but I can accept that it’s true (or soon will be).

Hey, I’m feeling more hopeful already! Now when I look at the two little cards I pulled out, and see “optimistic” and “speaking my truth,” instead of thinking it was just luck, I can say, “Yeah, that’ s who I am and what I do.” Now I’m ready to start looking for good things and work on changing my attitude for the better.

My Hope and Optimism Project

Ever heard the story of Sisyphus? The gist of the story is that Sisyphus was doomed to roll a heavy rock up a mountain. Every time he got near the top (and the end of his task), the rock would get away from him and roll back down, requiring that he start over. Sometimes, I swear I know exactly how Sisyphus felt.

I just got back from a lovely vacation. You’d think I’d feel wonderfully refreshed. And I do. It’s just that while I was gone, my rock rolled back down to the bottom of my metaphorical mountain. Now I’m standing here, wondering if all that heavy lifting was worth it. What the heck am I rolling this rock for anyhow? In a way, I feel like I’ve lost more than momentum. I’ve losing my grip on the confidence that all my hard work will pay off. What I need is a big infusion of hope.

To get my rock rolling again, my first step was to get my copy of Peterson and Seligman’s book off the shelf and read up on the strength of hope. Here’s part what I learned.

Hope is a strength in the category of Transcendence. Transcendent strengths are ones thought to “forge connections to the larger universe and thereby provide meaning” to our lives. Three of my five signature strengths fall under this category. I’m all about feeling connected to the universe and getting hooked up to purpose and meaning so I find the whole idea of Transcendence very attractive. I’m always wanting to transcend mediocrity and mundane--which sometimes leads to me getting a little snooty--but mostly my desire for transcendence means I want to change and improve for the better.

For a definition of hope, I asked Google. My search returned 29 million, 400 thousand results. It turns out that hope is not only an emotion but is also a computer programming language. Perhaps the best and simplest definition of hope came from Answers.com: a wish that carries the “expectation of fulfillment.” Hope is not just a desire for something but is trusting that the desire will come through. Hope carries with it confidence. Emily Dickinson wrote that “Hope is the thing with feathers,” likening it to a bird that sings continuously despite storms and extremity.

According the Peterson and Seligman, hope comes with three companions: optimism, future-mindedness, and future orientation. Hope, they say, is more emotional (a feeling) while optimism focuses on expectation (thinking). Future-mindedness is a somewhat awkward term which includes thinking ahead to consequences and results. Bringing up the rear is future orientation which describes something close to a sense of entitlement--having a future is assured (as opposed to having little or no expectation of times ahead, good or bad).

I’m really good at future-mindedness which includes planning and using calendars. I imagine that future-mindedness explains my fondness for GTD. I guess I’m pretty well set on future orientation, too, because I expect to be around tomorrow and have no reason to believe that my life will end anytime soon. So that leaves optimism. What I’m looking for is that sense of confidence that hope brings. The thing that seems to be missing for me right now is not happiness but the sense that all the stuff I’m working so hard to get will really turn out. That all the heavy lifting will actually yield something besides watching the blanking rock roll back down the wrong side of the bleeping mountain.

The idea is that thinking leads to feeling which leads to actions. The actions get responses (external to you, from the world and people around you) which reinforce your thinking. If optimism is a state of mind that I can cultivate (and research says it is) then hope (the feeling) should follow along behind. Then my actions will change. If all goes well, I’ll get responses and reactions and results that reinforce my optimistic thinking. This will increase my confidence and I’ll feel more hope. This creates a positive feedback loop meaning the more you get, the more you get. In my case, the rock might roll up hill a little more easily. Or at least I think it will.

Here’s where I’m going to start. I’m creating my own little Hope and Optimism Project. I imagine I’m not the only one who feels like Sisyphus now and then, so I’m going to share my findings with you. Because maybe something I learn will be of help to you. And your own rock will get lighter or the slope less steep. Hopefully.

Strengths Close-up: Honesty and Authenticity

When I was in my mid-twenties, I fell in love the word “integrity.” To me, integrity meant (and still does mean) being the real me in every situation. Representing myself accurately and consistently in private and in public. Being dependable, whole, sound. Walking my talk. I wanted integrity--to have it, to be it. Now many years later, I find that integrity is one of my signature character strengths.

Honesty means truthfulness and authenticity is about being real. Integrity is about the intersection of the two. Peterson and Seligman define integrity as characteristic of people who are “true to themselves.” People who are high on integrity don’t like phonies. They are open and honest, more concerned with being genuine than being popular or liked. A person of great integrity is the real deal, someone you can count on when the chips are down.

If integrity, authenticity, and honesty are important to you, then it’s likely that you want people to see you as yourself--the real you. If your inner self and your outer behavior don’t agree, that may leave you feeling very uncomfortable. You are likely to take your commitments very seriously. As a signature strength, people with integrity aren’t going to lie just to get their way or get out of a bad spot.

According to studies (summarized by Peterson and Seligman), people who score highly on integrity report higher life satisfaction. They tend to empathize with others and are often well liked by their peers. Integrity seems to translate well in terms of good relationships on the job. One study suggested that when managers were authentic (genuine, real), workplace relationships were more “effective” (meaning, I imagine, more pleasant).

In the business world, Jim Collins' findings in Good to Great suggest that authentic leaders are one of the keys to successful companies. Collins describes Good-to-Great leaders as people who are very aware of who they are and who behave in accordance with their values. These leaders value the honest appraisal of how things are going and encourage honest examination of every aspect of their businesses. Furthermore, these are leaders who are not wishy-washy or easily pulled off course. Their integrity leads them to be steadfast, making decisions and standing by them.

If integrity is one of your signature strengths, you can use it way to keep your activities from veering off course. One question you can ask yourself around any opportunity or decision is: Is there anything I’m pretending not to know here? That single question engages your sense of honesty to make sure you’re not overlooking information or some aspect of yourself that would go afoul of what you’re about to take on. For example, if you get a chance to serve on a working board, but really hate long meetings, you might be tempted to ignore that part of yourself only to find out later that the prestige doesn’t compensate for the hassle. Let your honest, gut reaction be your guide. If you find that you’re suffering from a lot of stress, ask yourself what it is you’re pretending not to know about the situation you’re in--it’s like that the answer is right under your nose.

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Making smart decisions: use your strengths

Face it: You’ll be making tough decisions for the rest of your life. But if you know what your strengths are, you can conquer indecision and move toward the path that will lead to success.

At 24, Joey (not his real name) is one of the most dynamic, smart guys I’ve ever met. He does everything: plays tennis for his college team, produces gorgeous photos, earns great grades, and makes plans on a grand scale. He already owns his own business. He’s helping to found a non-profit. And he’s got options galore that all lead to fabulous success. He loves the face paced life; he’s good at practically everything he does. And Joey is stuck, stuck, stuck. Because he doesn’t know how to choose.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard a story like Joey’s. Lots of people come to me for help making decisions. And I know exactly what it’s like to enjoy so many different activities and to have so many options. And like Joey, I’ve been stuck trying to decide or running like crazy trying to do everything all at once.

Jack of all trades, master of none
When you’re highly talented and really smart, like Joey, it’s easy and fun to do lots of things. Because you do lots of things well. The problem is that by spreading a lot of energy over a broad front, you never really get to experience the deep satisfaction of mastery. Mastery is when you become a black-belt at one particular pursuit--a hands-down expert. And mastery takes time and focus along with a decision to settle down and hammer away at one thing for a good long while. So how do you choose your area of focus for mastery? Use your strengths as your guide.

Harness your top five
Everybody has at least five character strengths that describe the real you. When you really pin down this part of yourself, you’ve got a ready guide in any situation. Because Joey is so smart and talented, he’s highly recruited. But he already knows that creativity is in his top five. Any job that doesn’t offer him the opportunity to be creative is automatically out. He’s also very high on citizenship--so he’s naturally looking for companies that are committed to corporate social responsibility. Put the two strengths together, and he’s immediately narrowed the field of what his options might be.

Pin down your non-negotiables
For Joey, honesty and authenticity is number one. No matter what, he can’t stand being in a situation where he has to hide who he is or pretend to be someone he’s not. But like Joey, you’ve got other non-negotiables to consider. Like the environment. For Joey, boredom is a total no-no. Ask yourself what is non-negotiable for you? Travel? Stability? A particular city or region? Any option that violates your non-negotiables is likely to lead to dissatisfaction.

Think about a legacy
When you’re in your twenties (or even older), it’s sometimes tough to take the long view and ask yourself, “At the end of my life, what do I want to have achieved?” But if you can use your imagination and look at the big picture, it might get a little easier. Do you want to have kids? Give money away to deserving causes? Make a lasting impact on the world (or your little piece of it)? By using your strengths, focusing on your non-negotiables, and identifying what your lasting legacy might be, you can start to see how each move you make either moves you toward your bright future or off onto a fun, but pointless, bunny trail.  For any opportunity or option, you can always ask yourself, “what does this move me toward?” If you can use your top five signature strengths, are sticking to your non-negotiables, and building your lasting legacy, you’re on the right track.

Wrong turns
Everybody takes a wrong turn now and then. The key is asking, “what can I learn from this?” A wrong turn isn’t failure, it’s an experience that you can use to your advantage. When you find you’ve chosen the wrong option, there are a few things you can look at. Were you violating your non-negotiables? Were you stuck trying to be someone you’re not? Did you ignore some big red flag? Sometimes you don’t know what you’re expectations were until they got violated. When you find you’ve taken a wrong turn, don’t fret--use it as a guide for the next fork in the road.

Building a great life
Joey picked an internship at a company dedicated to socially responsible investing as his first job. It gave him all the things he wanted: some travel, lots of challenges, and a chance to make good things happen. It’s a job that will set him up for the MBA he wants to pursue and it gives him enough flexibility to be creative in how he spends his time at work. It’s also fairly short-term with a fixed ending date. Just right for someone who likes a change now and then.

When you think about it, everything isn’t an option. You already know who you are and where you’re strong. By capitalizing on the best part of yourself, you’ll stay on the right track and in the fast lane to the great future that lies ahead of you.

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Using your strengths: ASK

You’ve probably heard that quote: “Ask and ye shall receive.” Well, it’s true for lots of things. If you don’t ask, you probably won’t get. When you’re looking for ways to use your strengths, ASK makes a handy acronym for three easy steps: Ask, Seek, Knock. Here’s what I mean.

Ask. There are lots of questions you can ask about strengths. What are your most important, dependable, signature strengths? How often do you use your strengths? What situations bring out your strengths naturally. And most important of all, are there situations where you can use your strengths in new, innovative ways?

The easiest way to learn what your signature strengths are is to take the VIA Strengths Questionnaire. But once you have your results in hand, take a look at those top five. Do you feel that deep sense of “Yes! This is really me!” about all five? Is there one or more that really resonate strongly for you? Pick one and move to the next step: seek.

Seek. To seek means to look for. In this case, you’re seeking to learn as much about your strength as possible. Read the definition of your strength from the list you find by clicking here. Google your strength. Get to know that characteristic by learning more about people who are the “poster children” for that strength. Listen for your strength when you hear or read interviews. Seek opportunities to really get to know your strength very, very well. Like any tool, the better you know it, the easier it will be to use it. Then you’re ready for step three.

Knock. To knock means to be proactive. Don’t sit around a wait for a likely opportunity to use your strength, go out and find one instead! Think of new ways to use your strength, do something unexpected with it. You can’t break it and you can’t use it too much. Say gratitude is one of your strengths--thank someone who isn’t expecting it. Think of fun ways to say thanks that’s different. Look at a difficult situation and think about something to be actively grateful for. That’s knocking--you’re using your strength to knock down obstacles and open doors.

Anytime you need an extra boost or a new approach, think to ASK your strength for help: ask, seek, knock. And you will find that your path is easier and your burden lighter.

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Speaking of asking, would you or someone you know like to be part of my new podcast series? I'm looking for folks who'd like to talk about their strengths and how they use them to accomplish good things. If you'd like to join the fun, contact me!

Listening for Strengths: Joe Torre’s “last” news conference

Part of my role as a professional coach is to listen for people’s strengths and help them use those strengths to best advantage. One of the ways I challenge myself and practice the skill of listening for strengths is by listening to interviews.

Last week, as I (and many others) predicted, Joe Torre ended his twelve-year tenure with the New York Yankees. On Friday (Oct 19, 2007), I sat down to watch Mr. Torre’s news conference where he sat down to explain his decision to turn down the one-year deal the team had offered him. As I listened to Torre’s statement and answers to reporters’ questions, I identified several character strengths--some of which may be his signature strengths.

Gratitude. Mr. Torre began by thanking people. You would find this predictable--after all, his time with his team was ending and it’s natural in a situation like that one to thank people. However, as the news conference went on, Mr. Torre used gratitude again and again. He was touched by how many people were present; he was surprised by the rally people held to try to save his job. He used words like “fortunate,” “lucky,” “blessed.” It was clear that he viewed his years with the Yankees--and for that matter, his entire career--as a gift. Viewing events, even negative ones, as gifts and opportunities for being thankful is one of the hallmarks of gratitude as a signature strength. He didn’t just thanking people in a perfunctory way, it was a genuine expression of appreciation and heartfelt gratitude. And that was true when he thanked Steinbrenner as well.

Prudence. Anyone who has watched Joe Torre for a while knows he has great self-control. He has a very calm, reserved manner. From this news conference, I suspect that Mr. Torre has prudence as one of his signature strengths. Prudence is the ability to be careful in one’s words and actions; it is sometimes also called being conscientious. Prudence seems to come very naturally to Mr. Torre. He spoke carefully even when he started to feel some anger, such as when one reporter asked him if he’d be willing to return to Yankee Stadium in some ceremonial capacity. Mr. Torre’s face darkened a bit, but he answered calmly. Prudence is also about being careful in one’s choices. Mr. Torre pointed that a one-year deal, with extensions and incentives predicated on the team’s winning or losing, would have created a conflict of interest that would be bad for the players. Such foresight is characteristic of prudence.

Humility and modesty. Mr. Torre also came across as being quite modest. Part of this impression comes from his prudence and self-control, but I believe that humility might also be one of Mr. Torre’s signature strengths. Humility means letting one’s actions speak for themselves. Mr. Torre referred to that viewpoint time and again as he talked about his record rather than himself. From what he said, he did the same thing in his last meeting with team ownership. His record, he pointed out, was clear. Mr. Torre spend no time talking about how great he was or acting puffed up. He was uncomfortable talking about himself--he said as much--and it showed. Humility is one of the rarest character strengths and perhaps also the most misunderstood. In our current cultural climate, humility is thought of as weakness but as Mr. Torre demonstrated, one doesn’t have to be arrogant to be strong.

Hope and optimism. At one point, Mr. Torre said in every new job, he always “hangs pictures.” What he meant was he expected and worked for the best. Throughout the news conference, Mr. Torre spoke of the future with a sense of animation and liveliness. At no point did he seem depressed or downhearted. Sad, yes. But not down in the dumps. It’s his willingness to drive nails in the walls of his new office, though that speak strongly of hope as a signature strength. A nail in the wall isn’t permanent, but it’s close. Tapping in that nail means you’ll be there for a while, that there’s a sense of permanency and commitment, both of which are clearly vital to Mr. Torre.

Integrity. He spoke carefully but at no time did he seem dishonest or disingenuous. When he didn’t agree or didn’t like something, he didn’t pretend to feel otherwise. Mr. Torre said again and again that his decision was not about the money. What he pointed out, directly and indirectly, was that the offer was an affront to his sense of integrity. He clearly felt that this situation he would be in was out of step with who he is as a person and a professional. That sort of integrity, and having enough class, self-respect, and dignity to speak about it clearly and unequivocally, was a true joy to witness.

Below, I’ve embedded a portion of the news conference video. If you choose to watch it, you’ll hear Mr. Torre’s opening statement, before the reporters began to question him. While it’s not the whole story, perhaps you’ll get some of sense of Mr. Torre’s strengths and how those sounded during the course of the whole news conference.

Whatever Mr. Torre’s future may hold, there is no doubt in my mind he will do well. He is a man of quiet dignity, fierce determination, and unrivaled managerial skill. Any team will lucky to have him. God bless you, Joe, and Godspeed.