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40-Days Forward 2008: Wrap up

My, how quickly 40-Days Forward 2008 has gone. I hope that you’ve benefited from this period of reflection, planning, letting go, and giving as you move toward the greatness you are capable of. Whenever I mark a milestone, I like to take a few minutes to think about what I’ve learned. Here are a few of the thoughts I have as 40-Days Forward 2008 is coming to a close.

Taking time for thoughtful, regular reflection is more important to me than ever. I’ve come to think of reflection as an opportunity to press pause and step out of the busyness of life. That pause serves to allow me to ask myself, “Am I getting to what’s most important?” And to redirect my course of action if the answer turns out to be “no.” Reflection has also helped me to renew my commitment to being my best and playing the game of life at a higher level. I don’t want to look back on my life someday and think, “I might have been a contender!” I want the end to sound more like, “Wow, I gave it my best and put it all on the line.”

Planning reminded me again that priorities are something I do. If I’m not doing it, it must not be a priority. I’m back to planning each day on paper, looking often at the bigger picture, and making sure that my activities are in alignment with my goals. I also had occasion to really examine my purpose for being and make sure that what I’m saying yes to is going to allow me to accomplish what I’m here for.

This year’s 40-Days Forward journey, was more about letting go than last year’s. The more I let go, the more I found I had to let go of. The lesson of letting go of my preferences is one I’ll be learning for a long time. I hope I getting better at letting go of my limitations, letting go of petty annoyance, and letting go of taking things personally. In the meantime, I am content with letting go of which ice cream flavor I pick when I close my eyes and point. Sometimes, that’s the best I can muster. Other times, though, I find that I’m somehow, by some miracle, getting better at releasing the urge to paddle like mad and just floating instead.

When I feel very overwhelmed, I sometimes refer to that as trying to drink from a fire hose. Not long ago, I found a wonderful verse (in the Book of Job of all places!) that describes the state I’m seeking, “Indeed the river may rage, yet [she] is not disturbed; [she] is confident, though the Jordan gushes into [her] mouth.” Letting go of trying to control everything, being more open to flow is part of finding that confidence and serenity.

Finally, I’m looking at new ways of giving. I’m acting more locally and thinking more globally. Giving of my time on different scales, giving my heart to new endeavors, and giving my soul more freely to the Divine. Giving myself a chance to truly be whoever it is that I, as a child of God, was created to be. I’ve given myself permission to stop struggling so much, stop pretending to be someone I’m not, and to be just myself.

If you followed some, or all, of 40-Days Forward, please take a moment to say hello. Your stories are important to me and I want to know how this time of reflection, planning, letting go, and giving affected you. What did you learn?

In the meantime, may all be well and peace be with you.

40-Days Forward 2008: Generosity

[This post is the eleventh in the 2008 40-Days Forward series. The series begins here.]

A while back I was talking to someone who was describing an untenable work situation. She was totally burned out, just slogging through her daily routine. “I have to tough it out for now,” she told me, “but only until something better comes along.” Meanwhile, her focus was on what she didn’t want. What she loathed about her current situation was crystal clear. Sadly, she wasn’t willing to move her focus to looking ahead; she couldn’t bring herself to let go of where she was long enough to start forming a plan for extricating herself.

When you’re hands are full, tightly gripping onto attitudes that drag you down, routines that have you going in circles, or relationships that repeatedly wound you, you are unable to receive your best life. Only by letting go and figuratively opening your hands (perhaps literally also) can you prepare to get something better. That’s where giving comes in. Giving requires letting go.

When you give, you set numerous forces in motion. I’ve noticed that people who have a lot and give a lot, seem to get a lot, too. In other words, “those that give, get more.” Finance guru Suze Orman has talked about this for years; it’s part of an abundant mindset that creates wealth. Wealth’s opposite, scarcity, keeps people grasping what little they have from fear that someone or something will wrestle it away from them.

Paradoxically, grasping after gain keeps people poor, in spirit and practice. The quintessential portrait of a miser, Ebenezer Scrooge, illustrates this nicely. When Scrooge was locked in his mindset of “never enough,” he was financially rich but miserable. After getting the beejesus scared out of him, Scrooge let go of his crummy attitude and received abundant wealth in its place. Dickens wasn’t just making up a caricature when he created this enduring literary figure, Scrooge is alive and well; I’ve known many people like him, you probably do, too.

The point here is that if you haven’t succeeded in letting go, you may have to cross that ground again sometime. You may find that certain things, like dysfunctional attitudes, have to be released over and over again before they’re gone for good. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just remember to “let it go” every time you notice that you’ve grabbed on again. (If you find yourself ruminating, that’s a hint.)  Eventually, you’ll find that the work of letting go has done it’s job and you’ve moved on almost without realizing it.

Letting Go

Since I starting practicing letting go, I've noticed a curious trend. The more I let go of, the more I find I'm asked to let go of. This week I had to let go of my computer.

Yep, my iMac got sick. It sneezed. It coughed. And then it died. So, dear reader, please forgive me for not posting on Wednesday. That was when I was frantically trying to burn files to discs before everything disappeared. I'd been thinking I needed to clean out my email. I guess God thought so, too. In one moment, all my email was gone--poof!--just like that.

In the midst of all the letting go of computer files, gratitude showed up on my door step. Literally. I got a box of Gratitude Cookies, courtesy of Lori at Zen Rabbit Baking Company. Here's what the card said: "...[while] you're eating the cookies, we encourage you to think of one thing for which you are grateful while enjoying each cookie." Ah, so zen-like and so delicious!

Here are just a few things I thought of while munching on Lori's Gratitude Cookies:

• Backing up my Entourage folder about ten days ago. Don't know what made me think of doing it. Just did.
• Burning a disc with my entire iPhoto library. All my precious pictures from the past years are safe and sound.
• Syncing my iPods regularly. I now know how to capture all the purchases from iPod to iTunes without erasing the iPod.
• iCal and Contacts backups.

OK, I admit I've eaten more than four cookies and yes, I have way more than this to be grateful for, like the phone call from a complete stranger who offered help on another project, the patient service technician at my local Mac Store, my husband who took me out to eat at the Corvallis' new brew pub, Block 15, last night.

I'm coming to believe that letting go is a necessary process. It helps you to make room for something new. I don't know exactly what I'm preparing room for as I let go of so many things, but I have a feeling it's something wonderful. After all, a box of gratitude showed up at my door this week!

Why is it that we cling to our limitations?

[This post is the eighth in the 2008 40-Days Forward series. The series begins here.]

A while back, I started working on letting go more often. Letting go of getting my own way. Letting go of holding on to perceived wrongs and insults. Letting go of acting territorial. The more I practice, the more I find to let go of. And let’s face it, letting go sucks. It’s hard work. The hardest thing to let go of, though, is my limitations.

This morning I realized that to fully inhabit and manifest my greatness as a human being, a child of God, means that I have to let go of whatever is holding me back. And this is my choice. It’s as if I’m holding on to a splinter as a life raft when, in fact, there is a boat floating only an arm’s length away.

In David Allen’s second book, Ready for Anything, he talks about being truly ready for more. More success. More joy. More abundance. He put lack of readiness in the context of unconscious, yet extremely powerful, resistance. One of the examples he used was an hospital. Every year, when the hospital staff would get clean and clear, completely free of backlogs, the number of patients would immediately soar. When limitations were erased, the hospital was free to be at full capacity, fulfilling its true mission.

When you or I hang on to our limitations, our tiny splinters, we’re keeping our hands full. And with our hands full, it’s impossible to be open and ready for anything else. One thing I know for sure is that whatever I have, I’ll get more of. Hang on to my limitations, I’ll get more limitations. Hang on to my fears, I’ll get more to be afraid of. Hang on to my anger, more to be angry about. If I hold on to my resistance, I’ll get more resistance.

There’s a story in the Bible about a man who was paralyzed. Jesus asked the man, “Do you want to be healed?” This was not a stupid question. Being freed from your limitations requires the desire to be free. Not everyone wants to be healed. Not everyone wants to excel. There are payoffs for staying stuck. That’s why people remain paralyzed--emotionally, intellectually, spiritually--they’re reaping some perceived benefit.

What are your limitations paying you? What are they costing you? Do you want to be free to receive your highest good? Or do you prefer your splinter? It’s time to decide what to let go of.

[The author thanks B.D. and C.A. for inspiring this post.]

Happy Leap Day!

Happy Leap Day! Today is that extraordinary day in February that comes around only once every four years. I don’t know about you, but I am always wishing I had more time. What a relief to have an entire extra day--a whole 24 hours--to tackle something great.

As part of his terrific and influential book, Getting Things Done, David conceptualized the work of life as five altitudes:

• The runway: the ground floor where the actual doing gets done.
• The 10,000-foot level: Relatively short term collections of tasks--projects.
• 20,000-feet: Your areas of responsibility and the roles you inhabit.
• At 30,000-feet: your one to two year goals.
• The 40,000-foot level: three to five year goals.
• 50,000-feet: The top of the mountain: life. As one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver, put it, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

I was discussing the levels of focus with some folks yesterday. At one point, it dawned on me that David’s levels of focus invite us to press pause on the busyness of our lives, to look at what we might do at a much higher level, and connect our very highest aspirations with what we do every day. Instead of looking back on our lives in old age and saying, “I could have been a contender!” we give ourselves the opportunity to say instead, “I know I gave it my very best shot.”

Today, on Leap Day 2008, I challenge you to step out of the raging river of busyness. Step off onto the shore and ask yourself, “Is there something I’m not getting to? Something big that creates a yearning inside me? How can I take a small step every week that will bring me closer?”

Think about your life two years from now. There will be changes--those are inevitable. You can’t truly anticipate what life will throw at you. But you can create meaningful goals and set a trajectory. And once you have a direction to move in, you can be purposeful and put simple steps in place that will move you in your chosen direction.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to look back on my life someday and think, “If only I could have, I would have, I should have.” To hell with that. I want to live life fully, on purpose and awake so I can be present for every moment, truly alive. What about you?

Yes! Leap into life with everything you have. Play big! Celebrate Leap Day by aiming for the stars. And then jump. We can hold hands if you like. C’mon! It’ll be fun!

Ready? One…two…three!

40-Days Forward 2008: Moving into Planning

[This post is the seventh in the 2008 40-Days Forward series. The series begins here.]

Twenty-one days ago, we began 40-Days Forward 2008. To refresh your memory, the four key concepts of 40-Days Forward are:

• Rigorous reflection
• Planning and Goal Setting
• Letting Go
• Giving Back

Now that you’ve had the opportunity to reflect on your life as it is now, do some noticing and paying attention, identify some of your strengths, and perhaps seek some feedback, it’s time to take a look into your future--the territory beyond these 40 days in 2008.

The planning part of your journey is first focused on identifying your passion. This may seem like a no-brainer for some of you but even so, it’s a process that is useful to review every so often. That’s because the busyness of life has a way of pulling us off center and away from our passions.

The planning you’ll do as part of the 40-Days Forward journey is a little different from the scheduling you may already be engaged in. This is big picture planning, done by determining what is essential to you. The goals you create for yourself must be based on what you are passionate about, what you can be the best in the world at, and the fuel and resources that drive you. This is your personal Hedgehog Concept (a term and concept that drawn form Jim Collins’ wonderful book for businesses, Good to Great).

If you establish a deep understanding of these three elements (passion, purpose, and petrol--the stuff that “drives” you), and you remain firmly entrenched in acting within the intersection of those three elements, you will be well on your way to great success and to creating a life full of meaning and purpose.

Remember, passion is defined by what you love. Your passions may be tied to activities, causes, or people (individually or in community) and spring from your gifts and/or your strengths. What are your passions?

Think about the non-negotiables in your life. It could be family. Freedom. Justice and fairness. Review the thoughts you’ve captured so far, look at your strengths. Likely, your non-negotiables--the must-haves in your life--have already peeked through.

40-Days Forward 2008: Looking for Patterns

[This post is the sixth in the 2008 40-Days Forward series. The series begins here.]

As you’ve reflected on yourself and your world over the past few days, you may have begun to notice patterns in your life. Now turn your attention to what you do. Spend some time looking back at your daily activities. How are you spending your time? Here are some things to take note of:

• Activities that set your heart on fire. These are the things you love to do that make time stand still.
• Pastimes that refill your well. This is where your energy gets replenished.
• The non-negotiables. Who or what are the must-haves in your life: your kids, spouse, exercise, spiritual life, fulfilling work? What else?
• What you want more of. You may have some deep down desires that you’re not getting to: what are they?

40-Days Forward 2008: Reflection through Another's Eyes

[This post is the fifth in the 2008 40-Days Forward series. The series begins here.]

Reflection--the process of looking within--can be accomplished in numerous ways. You can take long walks, capture your thoughts in a journal, take time to simply think things through. But if reflection is meant, in part, to help you see yourself objectively, you may need to get someone else’s perspective.

Of course, the easiest way to someone else’s perspective on you is simply to ask. That simple strategy is actually not so easy. Two reasons. First, will the person you ask actually tell you what they really think? And second, do you truly want to know what they really think? The first is an issue of trust and the second an issue of risk.

Establishing trust is a long-term commitment. The first key to establishing trust is personal integrity and authenticity. Integrity means being the same person day in and day out. Authenticity means showing up as yourself without pretending or hiding behind an agenda (which itself may also be hidden). The number one way that people learn to trust you is to watch you in situation after situation. If you behave consistently (i.e., have integrity), they decide what they can and can’t expect from you. This expectation, in part, allows them to predict how you’ll react to various situations. The worst case scenario is the unpredictable person who is monumentally inconsistent in his or her behavior (imagine the worst boss you’ve ever had…times ten).

To establish the kind of trust that people need to have to tell you what they really think, however, requires that you put them at ease. That means that people feel that they can talk to you about yourself without fear of rejection, retribution, or other nasty consequences. The only way to get that kind of trust is to earn it by listening carefully and without flinching, allow the other person to be heard. Do this over and over and people will eventually realize that you’re not kidding and that they are not walking into a trap. Not easy. That kind of integrity and authenticity requires genuine strength and real mental toughness.

Receiving feedback and seeing yourself as others do is sometimes a bit uncomfortable. It’s a risk. After all, you’re putting yourself on the line in many ways: the willingness to admit you might be wrong, to see potential problems or unexpected obstacles, and to get your toes stepped on are all real possibilities. That element of risk may be what holds most people back. There’s also the bigger risk that a whole system may be in trouble.

Author Laurence Gonzales points out that “the human condition makes it easy for us to conceal the obvious from ourselves.” The obvious can be a simple as the first ugly incident that signals we’ve hired the wrong person or as complex as an ignored o-ring seal that leads to a big (and quite literal) explosion. Either way, facing brutal reality, in the form of feedback, data, and red flags is crucial. If you ignore the data, you do so at your own peril. Yet people do ignore data about themselves and their situations every day. Often, they get away with it. But if the ignoring goes on long enough, divorces, bankruptcy, layoffs, and all sorts of other consequences may eventually catch up. That’s the most compelling argument for getting the perspective that other people can provide to you. It may save your job, your business, or your life not to mention, the jobs, businesses, and lives of others.

40-Days Forward 2008: Applying Your Strengths

[This post is the fourth in the 2008 40-Days Forward series. The series begins here.]

Learning about your strengths allows you to see yourself more accurately. Once you learn what your strengths are, you can apply them to help you to carry out all your activities more skillfully and with greater enjoyment.

Say you’ve been asked to take on a new role in your job. By focusing on your strengths, you can quickly determine at which activities you will excel in your new role. Not only that, but you can bring your strengths to bear on situations for which you may not feel very skilled or just plain don’t enjoy very much. For example, my highest rated strength is gratitude. When I am paying bills or doing bookkeeping, both activities that I find a bit stressful, I engage gratitude. I often say out loud how grateful I am for a particular service (like the telephone) while I am writing the check. By taking the point of view that I am grateful for the outcome (being able communicate clearly with clients via reliable phone service), I transform my feelings about feeling awkward about my still-developing accounting abilities.

When people start to take on new programs, the focus is usually on doing. Doing new things by adding new activities. However, knowing your strengths helps you to determine what not to do or what to stop doing. To assess what to stop doing, you’ll probably need a full picture of what you are doing. Again, this is a process of reflection. You may need to keep track of your activities for a while to fully inventory all the activities that you spend your time on. I keep a list of my projects (project being defined as any activity that requires more than two action steps) and review the list regularly. Simply making the list (over the course of several days) revealed activities that I needed to stop doing because they were not helping me to make progress toward my goals.

Finally, think about using your strengths in novel ways. When you encounter a situation that seems stuck, look at your strengths. Is there a way to use one or more of your strengths to break the situation loose or to allow you to gain new perspective? For example, if one of your strengths is appreciation of beauty and excellence, you could step back and examine what’s going on by specifically looking for beauty or excellence. By focusing on what’s working, instead of what’s stuck, you may see a solution that was present but hidden from you.

If you are a manager or in a supervisory role, bringing strengths to the workplace may allow you to determine which roles people will do best. Simply by asking people to focus on and use their strengths, you will allow your employees and co-workers to carry out their jobs with a sense of greater confidence and enthusiasm that comes from inside.

40-Days Forward 2008: What are Your Strengths?

[This post is the third in the 2008 40-Days Forward series. The series begins here.]

Reflection is sometimes referred to as “metacognition,” or thinking about your thinking. That may sound daunting or narcissistic. It’s neither. Being able to stand back from your own thoughts is an incredibly powerful way to take control of your life. That’s because your thinking creates your perception of your world. Your perception is your reality.

Your perceptions are real. However your perceptions are not The Truth. The Truth is what you’d have if you were omnipotent and all-knowing. Instead, what you have is your truth, and with any luck, bits and pieces of other people’s truths. Reflection by noticing and recognizing is part of learning to recognize your truth as part of, yet separate from, The Truth. It’s also part of learning to see yourself as you are, not as you wish to be, not as you imagine yourself to be.

There is an objective tool that can help make your job of self-reflection easier. It’s called the VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire (found at http://www.authentichappiness.com). The reason I suggest the VIA, as this assessment is known, is that it is widely used and very well validated for use across cultures. Thus, it is thought to measure strengths as a human characteristic. It’s a very robust assessment in that it gives consistent results (in other words, if you test high for a particular strength once, you’ll test high for it again regardless of mood or circumstance).

For now, I suggest you ignore the other assessments offered on the VIA site (and there are many). Focus your attention on the VIA and when you receive your results, write down the top five. Ignore the rest. This exercise is not about learning who you aren’t; this is about who you are.

Once you know your strengths, examine your life for how your top five strengths show up for and in you. For example, if you score high for kindness, think back to recent times when you were kind and look for opportunities to be kind again. Do likewise with any other strength you test highly for (that is, those in your top five). You may also want go through a period of discernment about your strengths. By discernment, I mean ask yourself, “is this the real me?” A true strength is one that gives you a feeling of confidence, authenticity, and excitement. True strengths will be those validated by people who know you well. Other people recognize your strengths and ask you to use them even when you don’t recognize what your strengths are. Now is the time to look back over your experience and look for the patterns.

What do people regularly come to you for? Which strengths do those requests appeal to?