Back to School (or, What I did on my summer vacation)
It’s a gray Monday in the Pacific Northwest, one that looks suspiciously like fall. I’m back from my summer vacation (as many are, a bit of a working vacation but hey—it was Costa Rica!) and am working to caught up and get back in gear.
Lots of long flights meant lots of time for reading. One book that made a deep impression on me was Coaching the Artist Within. This highly readable, immensely practical book sets out to teach you a dozen essential skills. Skills that not only will help you to be more creative, but will get you up off your duff and into meaningful pursuits, no matter what the arena.
The first skill is becoming your own self-coach. Because I already am a coach, the first exercise of the book was particularly interesting and surprisingly rewarding for me. The idea is that you alternate roles in a dialog fashion. First, you are you, bringing forth the issue you wish to be coached on, just as you would with an actual, live coach. Then, you switch chairs (the author suggests you do this literally), and speak to yourself as your coach.
I dove into the self-coaching exercise with a nagging issue for me: finishing my novel. While I won’t go into details here, the upshot is that I have a solid story with a large gap in it. I’ve been stuck in incompletion for an embarrassingly long time. So I sat down with myself as coach as used my journal to capture the back and forth. After four pages (longhand), I had worked out some areas of wrong thinking and created a plan for how to get back to work. (And so far, I’m please to report, the plan seems to be working.)
The exercise does a great job of suggesting the entry point into the self-coaching dialog. However, from my own perspective as trained coach, there are some pieces missing. If you’d like to work as your own coach, here are a couple of things to keep in mind:
- Structure your conversation with yourself. This means putting the dialog into a specific order, beginning with a simple statement of what you want to work on and what outcome you want from the conversation. Every coaching conversation begins this way: What do you want to work on today? What would you like to walk away with? By being very specific here, at the beginning, you set your agenda.
- Hold your agenda. If you were working with someone else as your coach, she would keep you from wandering off on tangents. As your own coach, it’s your job to keep yourself on topic. Writing your dialog out will assist you in doing that, as you can read back over each statement and see where you’re starting to slip off topic.
- Be honest with your responses. Self-coaching is useless if you let yourself remain in denial about what you’re doing (or not doing) and the obstacles that are holding you back. Find out what you are pretending not to know; go for the heart of the matter.
- Ask yourself open-ended questions that begin with “what” and “how.” This, for me, was one of the most difficult coaching skills to master. But once you get in the groove with what and how questions, you can really make progress very rapidly. You'll notice I don't suggest asking “why?” I am not a fan of asking why because when someone doesn’t know why, they’ll come up with some answer and get stuck with it. Often, there is no good answer for why—so skip it. Instead, listen for a way to ask a question based on what or how. Here’s an example.
Me: “I’m not working on my novel. I’m stuck and I don’t know how to fix it.”
As self-coach: “Fix it? What about your novel is broken?”
Ultimately, the job of a coach is to use inquiry to allow the client to see themselves from a more objective viewpoint. By using the same skills that a coach would use, you can take yourself from stuck to starting and from angst to art.
For me, the breakthrough moment came when I wrote that I had to fall in love with the book all over again to work on it. As soon as I wrote that sentence, I recognized it as pure BS. The next coaching question was golden, “What do you have to do to work on it?” And the answer, of course, was blindingly simple: show up every day. Duh. But that’s what a good coach does—she gets you to take off the blinders and see what’s right in front of you, then provides accountability so you follow through.
Ready to give it a try? All you need is a few sheets of paper (longhand will slow you down so you can really see and hear your responses and think your questions out more carefully) and about 30 minutes of uninterrupted time. Here’s the first coaching question to get you started: What do you want to work on today?






